The Harry Potter Maternity Ward
by nemoleft
Summary: An Mpreg wonderland! A wonderful humor fic which has an explanitory title. Rated for some inappropriate language and referances.


Patty: MPREG!

Rebecca: lol

Patty: Mpreg makes everything better

Rebecca: lol

Patty: sprinkles magic mpregging fairy dust on random males MPREG ALL AROUND!

This was the convo inspiring this fanfic, The Harry Potter Maternity Ward. I personally find Mpregging very enjoyable and funny, and this is just a comic way of showing my like for this particular brand of fanfiction. You know, impregnating a man really is an art. This is also a Sirius death denial fic, bear with me.

The Harry Potter Maternity Ward 

Remus was wheeled into a room with a few other of the new, erm, mother father thingies. They kept the males and females in this condition separate, for fear of attacks. Male mothers just were not accepted well right after labor.

Sirius was the one wheeling him in, smiling happily. Their little boy, James, was asleep and it was time to get to know the other mother father thingies. Remus was wheeled up to a table where several other men they already knew were sitting.

Draco was in his own chair, his lover Harry sitting in a regular chair net to him. Sirius grinned at his godson, "So Harry, what was yours?"

Harry grinned proudly, "Draco gave birth to a beautiful baby girl around two o'clock this morning."

Draco grumbled, "Yeah, snitch for brains here named her Lily, then forgot to add my name with the hyphen! So she's now Lily Potter, not Lily Potter-Malfoy."

"It's an easy enough mistake, we've only been married three months love," Harry sweatdropped as he tried to calm his lover.

Remus chuckled, "Well Draco, I'm sure Harry will see to it unless he wants to be taking care of diapers for the next two years."

Draco smirked and folded his arms, "Who says he won't be anyways?"

Remus and Sirius laughed as Harry paled. Draco smirked smugly and ate his jello.

Another man was wheeled up, causing Sirius to sneer, "Well hello there Severus, what are you doing here?"

Severus Snape glared daggers at Sirius, his voice low and dangerous, "I was raped by a rampant fanboy, if you must know. I see you and your pet are effectively reproducing to destroy the human race, how quaint."

Draco grumbled and stabbed at a jello cube, "Sounds a lot like what happened to me."

Harry sweatdropped again, "Now love, I thought we'd gotten past this!"

"You bloody seduced me and got me knocked up Harry! You knew I was saving it for marriage!"

Snickers ensued around the table.

Harry smiled apologetically to the rest of the table, "I'm sorry, we should get someone back to his bed."

Draco yelled as Harry pushed him back to his room, "Oh no you don't Harry James Potter! You're just going to dope me up and take advantage of my poor body! You horny pervert!"

More snickers ensued around the table.

Sirius was just about to say something when another Malfoy male walked up. Lucius Malfoy was near labor, having it induced later that day. He sat at the table and ate his son's remaining jello cubes.

Remus smiled kindly, "And who's your partner Lucius?"

Lucius looked at Remus coldly, "If you must know wolf... it was a house elf."

Chewed jello cube spewed across the table.

"HOUSE ELF?!"

Lucius lowered his voice, "It's not something Dinky and I like discussing."

Wide eyes stared at Lucius. They were turned as a cold voice coughed, "May I sit here?"

They looked up to see a very pregnant and very swollen Lord Voldemort. Wormtail was fussing over him like a doting husband.

"Milord, love, you should sit down, you'll stress yourself and the baby!"

Voldemort slapped Wormtail, "You inconsiderate male! Get me chocolate!"

Wormtail squeaked and ran off to get his mate chocolate, as Voldemort sat down. The other men snickered at Wormtail's plight at having such an evil lover. Voldemort glared at Lucius and the Malfoy burst into tears, "Nobody loves me!"

Lucius ran off crying, while Voldemort swiftly stole his jello cubes.

Sirius looked at Severus, and in a brief alliance, Sirius wheeled Snape and Remus away from the needy Voldemort. Remus looked up and smiled as three now familiar female faces came forward.

"Hi Remus!" smiled Hermione.

"Hi Sirius!" giggled Ginny.

"Hello Professors." Purred Cho, looking at Remus and licking her lips slightly, sliding a hand along Hermione's thigh. Remus turned quite a sickly green and Hermione squeaked, "Cho! Not here!"

Cho smirked and pouted till Hermione and Ginny both kissed her. Ginny whined, "Mione, I don't want to be visiting icky old men, I'm hooooorny!"

Hermione folded her arms, "Now honestly Ginny, the three of us are thinking on having a baby of our own, so we need to talk to people with experience!"

Cho smirked, "Besides Ginny dear, they most likely know of the spell we need to have a baby from the three of us."

Ginny grumbles, "Well whatever it is, I say we make use of that closet we saw on the way in here."

Cho winked a goodbye to the men and pulled both her lovers with her to resolve some tensions. Hermione waved, "It was nice visiting!"

Sirius and Remus blinked. Snape shook his head, "You know, I wouldn't be surprised if some random doctor disappears to those three's sexual satisfactions."

The other two men nodded in agreement. Remus sighed, "Hermione was such a nice young girl. Those other two are bad seeds."

He was interrupted as two identical pregnant redheads walked up. They grinned as the first one said, "Hello Sirius, Hello Professor!"

Remus blinked, "Fred, George, what happened to you two?"

They grinned and the second one, Fred?, grinned, "Well, we've been romantically involved with each other since we were fifteen, and we wanted to have a baby, but we couldn't decide on who would carry it."

The other, George?, nodded, "Yeah, so we knocked each other up!"

Snape coughed, "If you don't mind, I'm going to go back to my maximum security room, to duck the fangirls and fanguys."

They waved their goodbyes as a nurse with a very hot ass wheeled Severus to his room. Sirius ogled for a moment till Remus slapped him for being inconsiderate.

Sirius winced and looked about. He felt Remus was getting cranky. He faired Fred and George goodbye, then wheeled Remus away.

_Fin_

Author Notes: Hey! How do you like? This is my first one including Mpreg, and I'm quite proud of it. Now remember, if you're going to flame, this is a HUMOR fic, it's not supposed to be serious. Please Review if you enjoyed this fic, I really do like it a lot and reviews make me feel loved! Also, the random yuri threesome I entered in has sparked interest. If anyone's heard of it in other fics, please tell me. I'm also thinking of writing it in another one-shot, so give your input!


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